friendship · relationships

Fair-weather friends.

As soon as someone becomes a fair-weather friend to me, I no longer put any time or effort into maintaining that friendship. Now that may seem cut throat, but I have learnt that you should not waste your time on people who don’t put in any effort to your friendship. This is also because I am an incredibly loyal person, I consider my friends my family and would do absolutely anything for them at a drop of a hat. So with this in mind, I have a handful of incredibly close friends that I would happily lay down my life for if it was needed. I thought that Marie was one of those close friends….

What makes a fair-weather friend?

  1. They constantly try to undermine you, but attempt to do it in a sweet way so as you won’t notice.
  2. They will lie to you, to others and constantly try to make themselves look better.
  3. They are not loyal, they will not be there for you when you need them to be, only when it suits them
Now these are just a few reasons for what makes someone a fair-weather friend in my eyes.

I met Marie when I started working at the bar, we became close quite quickly and would hang out all the time. We spoke about absolutely everything, she would tell me about the guys she was dating and I told her a lot about what was going on with Tom and I at the time. Everything was going great, but as it was a bit of a whirlwind friendship. My best friend had moved away, I’d moved back home and I was really lonely, now the cracks have begun to show. Now I would say that I feel guilty over feeling this way, but it appears as though she has managed to piss off and alienate everyone that we both know.

One night a few weeks ago, she got pretty drunk (one drink and she’s practically on the floor), and we were with Tom and Aaron. Aaron had been drinking since lunch due to him having participated in a cocktail contest, and both Tom and I had never seen him so drunk. Now Aaron is engaged, but that didn’t stop either him or Marie from draping themselves over one other and being a bit too touchy feely. Now I know that they are both to blame for this, and I can see that Aaron is beating himself up over this fact. But Marie did not take responsibility for her actions, instead saying that she was drunk and that she wanted to remove herself from Aaron. I understand wanting to put a bit of distance between each other, but she was purposefully excluding him from everything that we did, only ever including Tom and I. I get that its uncomfortable, but he is our friend and just because of one thing that happened shouldn’t mean that we should all be expected to change our friendships.

As well as trying to exclude Aaron from our group, I have noticed how she is constantly trying to undermine me. She makes little comments about how she is a better bartender than I am, but that is down to the fact that she is not willing to do any bar backing which is something that we all have to do. She continues to try and make the friendship that I have with Tom uncomfortable, and as soon as there is any mention of Tom and I hanging out, she feels the need to point out that they are so much closer.

Most recently, Marie went out one night and met up with some bartenders from other bars. This is nothing odd, but there is one bartender in particular, Adam, whom when she gets drunk will always end up kissing. Again, I have no qualms for her kissing a guy, she is single, he is single, they can do whatever two consenting adults want to do. There had been an issue with Marie and Adam kissing before because Marie didn’t want everyone knowing of her escapades, but Tom let slip to two people and that really pissed Marie off and they didn’t talk for about two and half weeks. They finally made up this past weekend, and then Marie went and kissed Adam again on Sunday. When I saw her, she told me straight away about kissing Adam, and that she spent the night at his until 8pm the next evening. I came to the conclusion that they probably did a bit more than kissing seeing as she spent a really long period of time with him, but she assured me they hadn’t. Now this would have been fine for me, had she then not insinuated that she is not the type of girl to take her knickers off without at least getting a date first, adding disgust at the idea of having a one night stand. Again, if that’s not your thing, then fair enough. But considering that she knows that I have had a few one night stands, and the tone of voice she used, it was clear that she was making a dig at me, suggesting that she was better than me.

Again, this whole escapade with Adam and making me feel like a slag is something I could move past. However, I went and saw Tom the same day and he proceeded to tell me that Marie has been sleeping with Adam for months……months and yet she tried to play the innocent girl who could do no wrong. Tried to make me feel like a worthless piece of trash, when she was in fact no better, only shagging him when they were both drunk. Plus she told Tom, whom she’d just had a fight with over her inability to trust him with certain things. And so I am hurt, angry and absolutely fed up.

These are just a few examples of some of the things that she has done, not only to me but to most of the staff at the bar as well as our friends. After being bullied in secondary school by my supposed ‘best friend’, I no longer stand for someone trying to belittle me and make me feel worthless. I understand that she is young, but no matter the age, you should respect and be supportive of your friends and I just don’t feel as though she does when it comes to me.

How do you deal with friends who no longer seem like a friend anymore?

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